Storytime - We’re still fighting this shit.
Storytime.
Trigger Warning: Violence towards women.
Unless you were living under a rock last week, you would have seen the unfolding of a pretty big event in the startup ecosystem involving the abuse of women online. But this isn’t a new story; the players might have changed slightly, but the story is as old as the internet itself.
Let me paint a picture for you…
It's 2015, and you're a 23-year-old female art school graduate running restaurants and bars. You wake up one morning and see that a man has taken a photo from your friend's dating app and shared it publicly on his Facebook to dehumanise her and publicly ridicule her. You jump into the comments, defending your mate, which results in vile, aggressive death and r*pe threats.
The 23-year-old art student and her friends turn to the police but are told there's little they can do because it's 'on the internet,' something they claim not to understand or have jurisdiction over. So, they go to the media.
Months go by as the group engages with journalists, enduring relentless trolling, primarily from men online. They are subjected to videos being made about them, and their phone numbers and family addresses are posted online in an attempt to incite violence and silence them.
The group's message is clear: Men who write such things about women online harbour dangerous beliefs and pose a threat to women's safety and progress.
These women endured a year of being beaten down, attacked, and abused online. But, with the support of the media, they finally have their day in court. The abuser is found guilty, though not before a judge downplays their experience, likening it to a sport where the abuser 'went too far' accusing the victims of 'overreacting.'
By 2023, that online abuser, who the judge stated had 'learned his lesson,' finds himself back in court for the fourth time, this time found guilty of four charges related to domestic violence and sentenced to 18 months in prison.
And what became of the 23-year-old woman and her friends? Well, they began a non-profit group that raised funds for women's shelters. They helped set a precedent for laws aiding victims of online abuse in convicting their abusers. They were invited to educate the NSW police about online harassment and had input on upcoming revenge porn laws.
Over time, they all grew up and drifted apart. Some moved abroad, and they carried on with their lives. The 23-year-old in question (Hello, it’s me) eventually worked in advertising agencies, took a job in a startup, ventured into venture capital, and finally took a chance by leaving her full-time job to pursue an idea.
Now, at 31, why am I revisiting all this?
Because I've witnessed it happen again, true, the content may differ, the motivations may vary, and the threats may take different forms, but it's been eight years, and this toxic behaviour not only persists but has now infiltrated LinkedIn, the literal office space of the internet.
Men attack women because they don't view them as equals. They attack because they believe they are entitled to power. They attack because our society permits it.
Eight years ago, I was 23, working in a bar, and had little to lose. When I first saw the comments from a founder in the industry directed at people I worked with, people I knew and people who I respected, I couldn't react as I normally would because I wasn't speaking just for myself, and there was a lot more at stake.
What amazes me is how long it has taken for any action to take place. I'm immensely proud of and inspired by women like Elaine Stead for spending the last week doing the emotional labour and articulating it for us. Hannah Moreno, who literally helped the abuser with his company PR (for free) and supported him with genuine care, a level of compassion that I'm not sure would be my first reaction, and Jessy Wu, who has stood up against these comments for as long as I’ve read them.
Borrowing from Jessy Wu: "(Speaking up) often requires career capital, job stability, and a platform – all forms of privilege in their own right."
The abuse experienced last week, just like my original abuser from 8 years ago, is an overt display of aggression that everyone can recognise as wrong. The real challenge is how we address the misuse of power that's less obvious, like the female engineer whose manager asks her male colleagues to “check” her work frequently, even when she’s never had to amend her code or when behind closed doors, young women are labelled as ‘difficult’ by those that yield more power and find themselves struggling in the ecosystem regardless of their ability and accomplishments. We talk about encouraging more women to join the ecosystem as founders, investors, or operators, but how can we do that without safeguarding their well-being and enthusiastically supporting their progress?
To drive the point home, it astonishes me that an ecosystem largely shaped by the success of a female founder, who became the symbol of Aussie start-up success, still sees only women leading conversations about the abuse and harassment facing women in our ecosystem.
I urge all of us to contemplate the structures, systems, and powers that we allow to dominate the ecosystem in which we want to thrive. Good intentions are no longer sufficient. We're no longer confined to a small corner of the world – we operate on the global stage.
Even if you don't actively think about the power you wield, you bear the responsibility to start. It forces us to ask: Is this an ecosystem in which you'd want your daughter to work?
Also, a thank you note to Hannah Moreno for her feedback and editorial guidance. 🙏
